A TV camera zeroes in on two basketball players as they
enter the court. Each dribbles a
basketball.
The camera pans in on the four of us in the stands.
“Our two finalists,” I say. “Derek Fisher and Ramon
Sessions.”
The camera swings back to the two on the court. They shake hands.
“Derek, good luck,” says R.Sessions
“You, too,” says
D.Fish. “You think you can handle
this?” He smiles. “I’ve been doing this for quite some time.”
“D.Fish. I’ve been
watching you since I was…”
“Grade school? That’s
what you were going to say? Come on,
let’s do this.”
They bump basketballs, and look up to us.
I look into the camera. “Derek Fisher is a 37 year old
professional basketball point guard for the Los Angeles Lakers. It’s a career that has spanned 14 years,
during which he won five NBA Championships.
He is the President of the National Basketball Players Association.”
D.Fish waves up from the court.
“Ramon Sessions is a 25 year old NBA point guard for the
Cleveland Cavaliers. The 56th pick in the 2007 NBA Draft.”
He too waves.
“Gentlemen, please take your positions. A simple game of full court one-on-one, and we
will critique the results. Your referee, Mr Technical, will keep a close eye.
“You will be judged on Speed down the Court, Shooting
Ability, Past experience, and Return on Investment.
“You have five minutes, gentlemen. Your time starts now.”
And the game is on.
Traveling...charge...three point shot...first personal
foul...into the paint...ball is kicked...out of bounds to R Sessions. Do we see Sessions step out of bounds? Do we see a push off from D.Fish?
“And let’s introduce our panel of distinguished judges.
“World renown basketball historian Charity Stripe. Asphalt
and public park scout for major basketball teams, Streetball Dunkington,
and,
Miss Lily Layup, owner of the Crazy Blonds, Brooklyn Ladies
over 50 Basketball League.”
Three smiling faces.
Again we see the players.
Two and a half minutes left to play.
D.Fish dribbles into the front court, toward the basket,
shoots off the glass, scores.
R.Sessions takes the ball, speeds down the court, puts up a
three, swish.
“Gentlemen, you have ten seconds left. Nine, eight, seven…”
Block by R.Sessions... Three pointer by D.Fish...R.Sessions
hard to the hoop. D.Fish, rimmer, in and
out...
“Two, One, All done. Gentlemen, drop the ball. Game over.”
The players shake hands with Mr. Technical. They both smile up at us.
“Thank you, players,”
I say. “Give us a few minutes to make our decision.”
The TV camera follows the two into the locker room.
“I almost got you,” says D.Fish. “ That last shot, gone in
it would have been closer.”
“Twelve to seven. I
had you,” says R.Sessions.
The music begins. “So,” I say, “Who will be chopped?”
We go to commercial:
“…then add a half pound of butter, for taste…” and it goes on.
“We’re back,” I say.
“So, Judges, what do you think.?”
“This might be Fisher’s final moment on the field,” says
Miss Layup. “ His presence alone on the
court was what made the Lakers who they are. He's not the best point guard to
ever play, but it's not just about points, assists, steals, it's about being a
team, working with the same guys to achieve a goal. “But,” says Streetball Dunkington. “As we can see from their five minutes on the
court, the Lakers need to get a younger, faster, quicker point
guard. I think it is time.”
“You must remember, “ says Charity Stripe. “Kobe Bryant
makes $27.8 mil next season and over $30 mil the next. Can't afford to have any
dead weight. Not about what the Lakers are worth. It's about the salary cap and
ability to sign new players.”
“But don’t you think D.Fish deserved better.” Says Miss
Layup. “He is the consummate pro and does not deserve to get pushed out the
door to shave a few dollars off an already over-the-cap payroll next year.
“Layup, you're delusional,” says Charity Stripe. “ What do
you think Fisher wants? Does he want to sit on the bench and maybe play five minutes
every couple weeks or play on a team that needs a point guard this year and will
get 15-20 minutes a night.
“Charity, locker room presence most have value,” says Miss Layup.
“Leadership. It's not so much the stats that make him
valuable, it's what he does off the court for the team. Without D.Fish the
Lakers wouldn't have won those 5 championships."
Streetball Dunkington raises his hand. “R.Sessions, at 25,
is much younger than the 37-year-old Fisher and is in a better position to help
the team in the years ahead. We saw his speed
on the court just now.”
“So,” I say. “Do we know who will be chopped?”
They all nod.
And another commercial. “…then add three cups of sugar, to
give it that sweet…” and it goes on.
“And we’re back,” I say. “So let’s call them back out on the
court.”
We see close ups of each as they arrive at center court.
“Gentlemen, after considerable discussion, we have made our
decision.”
On the court, Mr. Technical, bounces the ball, then shoots
it to D.Fish.
“Derek Fisher, I’m sorry, but you have been chopped.”
D.Fish waves up at us. “Well, we had a good run.” He bumps fists with R.Session,
Smiles, waves to all of us, and walks off the court.
“R.Sessions, You’ve won Chopped. How do you feel?”
“I don't know what to say.
This is great. To play alongside Kobe Bryant, Pau, and Andrew. Yes, this is great. I hope I will measure
up.”
And the newspaper reports it the next day.
‘The Lakers sent first-round draft Derek Fisher, a 37-
year-old guard who is the president of the NBA Players Association, to the
Houston Rockets in return for Jordan Hill.
Los Angeles also dealt forward
Luke Walton, guard Jason Kapono and its 2012 first-round pick to Cleveland for
guard Ramon Sessions and forward Christian Eyenga.
The ball's now in Derek's court.
-----------------------------
Help comes from:
Google/Images, readabilityformulas.com,
espn.go.com/los-angeles/nba/story
upi.com/Sports_News/2012
And catch an episode of, "Chopped," on Food Network.
And catch an episode of, "Chopped," on Food Network.
