Sunday, April 8, 2012

BASS FISHING IS MORE THAN CATCHING FISH

I sit in the back booth at the Montana Galley, nursing my usual large glass of buttermilk.
 
Two young men sit in the next booth.  You know how I hate to eavesdrop...but...

"He'll be here in a few minutes.  Papers I have to sign.  Finally we're moving into the big leagues."

They look at their menus.

"You'll be seeing your Dad on TV?" he says.   He smiles. "It's a big company, too.  They own all kids of different brands, like brake drums, cosmetics,  BodySlamXXL Clothes, all kinds of stuff."

A man with a duffel bag and a briefcase slides into the booth.

 "Hi, Wolf," he says, holding out his hand. "Madison Avenue.  Thanks for coming guys.  Please, call me Mad."

"Mad, I brought my son. Rawley."  They shake hands.

Mad rubs his hands together. "Lunch, did you guys order?  They got something here called a Peyton Manning.  Rawley. do you like sea food?"

"Some, I guess.  Tuna."

"It's really good.  Two waffles, peanut butter, jelly, and lobster.  You like lobster?"  Mad  looks at Wolf. "What's not to like, right. We'll order Rawley, The Junior.  No lobster."

The waitress brings two Cokes, and pours coffee for Mad.  And they order.

"Okay," says Mad.  "Let's get started."  He opens the duffel Bag and pulls out a pink and red shirt.  On the back in large letters, ' Aunt Olga's Pumpkin Pie Filling.'
 
"Use to be Turkey was only eaten at Thanksgiving.   Now it's standard lunch meat.  We're hoping that in  less than Five years, people'll be eating Pumpkin Pie at every meal, not just on holidays."
 
"Pumpkin Pie?" says Rawley. "And you'll be wearing this?  It's.pink?"

"Son," says Mad.  "Your Dad'll be the face of Olga's for all fishermen.  It's one of our new brands."

"Olga's Pumpkin Pie Filling?" says Wolf.  "What?"

"Who watches fishing shows on TV?" says Mad. "Older retired guys, who now have time on their hands.  They cook more.  Why not Olga's Pumpkin Pie Filling?"

The waitress brings Two Peyton Mannings, and a Junior.

”Why not?" says Wolf. "NASCAR's Bobby LaBonte, is sponsored by Bushes Beans, Kevin Harvick, it's  Jimmie Johns Sandwich Shops, and Rickey Stenhouse, he's got Rice Krispies Treats painted all over the hood of his car."

Mad reaches down and pulls papers from his briefcase.

"Okay," he says. "Here's your class schedule.  You'll get a two day crash course in how to bake pumpkin pies."

Rawley looks up at his Dad. "Pumpkin pies?"

"Yup," says Mad.  "Every Saturday you're not fishing you'll be either at a Target, or Bass Pro Shop, or maybe a Winn DIxie,  showing everybody how to bake pumpkin pies with Olga's Pumpkin Pie Filling."

"But, I don't know much about baking pies?" says Wolf.  "I'm a Pro Fisherman.  We've been using a Pork Frog. I caught three in less than an hour last night.  I like the pork rather than those plastic trailors."

Rawley smiles. "How about the spinner we made out of that can opener?"

"That's all well and good, but it really doesn't matter,"  says Mad. "We got it all covered.  We need you on that victory stand, so everybody will see the big face of Aunt Olga, on your shirt."

He pushes the paperwork toward Wolf.
 
"And  we're going to get your Tundra painted, all pink and red.  Your picture'll be along side Olga's on the side.  We're thinking maybe bus ads, the week of the Western Open.  This is great.  They'll come for your truck, it's all set up."

Wolf looks down at Rawley.  "You like the waffles?  This lobster is really good."

"Now, every time you catch a Large Mouth,  the TV camera boat will be there.  This too will take a little practice.  We'll have ten good size Bass hooked under your boat. With a little practice, you'll be able to get them on the line like they were just caught.  We'll show you how it's done."

Wolf looks over at Mad.

"We'll have a diver under your boat, so we'll tell you where to drop anchor.  It's all mapped out. He'll help you on the final day of large tournaments."

"Divers, under the boat?" says Rawley.

"We picked you Wolf because of your  personality.  Leave it up to us to get you up on that victory stand."

Rawley pours syrup on his waffles, then looks up. "That's not really fishing, Dad."

"It's really tough, Bass Fishing," says Wolf.  "A lot of the other guys have fish waiting of them too"

"Rawley," says Mad.  "At this point we're getting your Dad into the top ranks.  And he's getting $10,000, to help him get started.   It's up to him now.  We might not be here some day."

Rawley nods, and stuffs a large dripping waffle chunk into his mouth.
 
"We're also looking for somebody for the annual Kona Billfish Tournament.  Somebody who can go both ways.  You know,  Lake and Ocean.  A real fishing champion.  Depends on how far you want to go with us.   A national best-selling cookbook, bake on the Food Network.  Sky's the limit with Aunt Olga."

"So," says Wolf.  "I guess I won't need the fishing patterns of the lake.  I had it worked out with maps over the last three years, who caught what, where."

 "With practice, they won't see the fish all that much.  You'll do fine.  Keep smiling, and keep talking.  That's why we're paying you the $10,000."

Mad pushes more papers across the table.  "Sign here, and ...here...and initial here...and here...and here.  Good."

Mad gulps a fork full of lobster, looks at his watch, and pulls out his SmartPhone.  "I gotta go, guys. Enjoy your lunch. We have your eMail so you'll be getting all the instructions.  Oh, I almost forgot."   Mad hands them an envelope.  He stuffs the signed paperwork into the briefcase, and waves.

Wolf opens the envelope and shows it to Rawley.  They smile.

"So you don't really have to... really catch any fish?" asks Rawley.

"I guess that's how it's done. I knew there was a reason the same guys are always high in the rankings.  I know the fishing part. It's this cooking Pumpkin Pies?  I gotta practice.  A lot."

Wolf holds up the pink shirt.  They look at each other and laugh.

They slide out of the booth.  Rawley holds a doggie bag, his waffles.

As they walk past my booth, I hear Rawley,  "If this is how it is with these fishing tournaments, well, I can help you make the pies.  We'll make the best old Aunt Olga has ever seen.  Right Dad?"  
..................................................

Help comes from:

lakenormanbassfishing.ne
nascar.com/guides/sponsors/
unclejosh.com/unclejosh/
http://thesaurus.com/,   http://www.readabilityformulas.com
(The Peyton Manning, see 'The Rehab of Peyton Manning, StiffLeftJab.com)

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