Tuesday, November 13, 2012


Lakers ex-Coach Mike Brown sits next to his agent Jimmy Chintz at the LA Coliseum.  Halftime, USC vs Arizona State.

"Jimmy," says Brown. "Thanks for the tickets, but I can't enjoy this.  I can't relax.  Come on, I just got axed.  It's just not a fun time."

"I had to get you away from basketball.  Out in the open.  We can talk here.  But first, let's get some food."

He pulls two $20 bills from his wallet.  "Kids, get everybody something, hot dogs, whatever."  They stare at him, so he pulls out another $20.  They both smile.

"I'll go too, give you two a chance to talk." says Brown's wife Carolyn . Elijah and Cameron, run ahead of her.

"Five games and I'm out," says Brown. "It was so quick." 

"Lakers management doesn't like losing.  I guess they didn't want things to get out of hand."

"They really didn't give the team a chance to jell.  If this was College basketball it's like me being fired during the 2nd game.  Or an NFL coach getting fired before the end of the 1st game.  Team was coming together.   All I needed was a little more time.  Five seasons with the Cavs, I was the most successful coach they ever had.  Hell, I was Coach of the Year in 2008."

Just before the start of the second half, the announcer is very loud, while the JumboTron shows Brown and Jimmy in full color.  "And in attendance Mike Brown, ladies and gentlemen, former Lakers Coach, fired from the Lakers after a dismal one and four record.  Good Luck Mike."

The crowd turns from the JumboTron, and stare at them. No cheers.  Instead the sound begins to build, like an oncoming freight train. An intense boooo.

Brown looks toward the large screen, and smiles, but the crowd's reaction hit him, high voltage through his body.  He stiffens.

"This seems rather harsh." says Jimmy.

"Bloodthirsty,  you ask me," says Mike.

A yell comes from a few rows back.  "Brown, no defense.  You have to have defense...reason the Lakers are losing..."

"I'm their scapegoat," says Brown. "I'm the one gets blamed for the huge payroll, $100 million plus."

"That's right," says Jimmy.  "Not only that, but Nash only played a game and a half.  Howard is still recovering from back surgery, and Kobe has that injured foot.  He can't even practice."

'It started with a whisper...'  "Sorry," says Brown. "My ringtone.  Hello?...Yes, this is Mike...yes...No, I think I'm going to be busy."

He turns to Jimmy.  "That was a high school coach in Thousand Oaks, asking since I'm now unemployed, could I maybe coach their basketball team?"

They both shake their heads.

"It's not like we're destitute," says Jimmy. "Still under contract. $10 mil over four years."

"Guess I'm not broke.  But come on, this is my professional life here." 

"We'll find something else," says Jimmy.

Another in the crowd.  "He's right, Brown.  Princeton Offense?  What the hell is that?  You go to Princeton for a lawyer, or an accountant, economist, but basketball theory, give me a break...that's the reason you're a loser."

Young kid down in front,  maybe six, looks up from texting.  "The Princeton Offense is an offense that emphasizes constant motion, passing, back-door cuts, picks on and off the ball, and disciplined teamwork.  I'll have to agree. The Lakers are just too old for that constant movement."

"What the hell is this," says Brown.  Then to the crowd, "Can't blame me for Nash, and Kobe, and Howard.  It's not really my fault."

"I don't think that's what this crowd wanted to hear.  Blaming their heroes, Mike."

'It started with a whisp...'  "Hello," says Brown.  "Yes this is...yes..."

 "...our new cable show, Survivor Los Angeles. We start in The Valley as street people, six episodes, through Tarzana, Beverly Hills, Watts Towers, Venice Beach, ride the Metro, and end up at Staples...you're not doing nothin' now...there'd be some panhandling involved..."

"I think I'm going to be busy..."  He hangs up.  "Damn."

As Brown sits up straight, ready for the second half, a jolt runs down his spine.  He is hit with a rock, or marble, something hard and small, thrown from behind, hitting him in the back of the head.  He freezes. He knows there is blood, but doesn't rub it.

He squeezes Jimmy's arm.  "We have to get out of here.  They're throwing stuff at me."

Jimmy frowns.  "What?  You got hit?"

"I'm not kidding.  Come on."

The JumboTron is still on them.  Everyone watches as they duck down and move down the row.  Fans along the row stiffen. They do not move their knees, pushing back as the two try to move past.  Brown is shoved by one fan, but Jimmy grabs the back of his jacket before he plunges ten rows. 

"Son of a Bitch," says Brown.  Jimmy puts his head in Brown's back and pushes him forward.

The boos intensify.  The crowd angry and red faced, show teeth.  Brown can feel the heat.

They get to the aisle, then move up the cement steps two at a time.  As they run, three large men tail them.  One points, "There's that loser Mike Brown, the Lakers Coach."  Now others take chase.

Brown sees his wife and kids holding footlongs.  He waves. "Meet me at  home.  Gotta run.  I guess I said the wrong thing." 

Panting hard, Brown veers off toward the exit, while Carolyn and the boys simply wave, befuddled.  And they thought LA was a step up from Cleveland.

A chant erupts, 'Mike Brown, Mike Brown, Mike Brown.'  The mob increases. 

They make it to their cars, Mike to his SUV, and Jimmy his red Jaguar Convertible, the crowd now throwing large cups of beer.

Brown, in a panic careens down Figueroa Boulevard, and onto the 110 Harbor Freeway.  But, he hits the wrong onramp.  He's going East on the West bound lanes. Within thirty seconds this woeful lack of bearings alerts the highway patrol.

'It started with a whisp...' "Hello?  Hello?...Yes this is...yes..."

'This is Dancing with the Stars, and we were just wondering...now that you've got a whole lot of time on your hands...'

"I'm kinda busy right now...but...call me back...sounds like fun..."

What did he just say?  "My God, I'm losing it." as he see the oncoming traffic.

And the CHP.

"Please, step out of the car." 

After an arrest, a trunk search, an impound, a police escort to Central Lockup at Parker Center, Brown sits in a cell.

And once they realize it's the ex-Lakers Coach, he is charged with resisting arrest, assaulting a police officer, fleeing the jurisdiction, and whatever else pops into the Booking Officer's head. 

All he remembers about the arrest as he sits in the cell is someone saying, "You got some guts showing your face in public, Brown.  Do what you did."

But, and this is the strange part, not a word is heard from him after that.  Mike Brown simply vanishes.

July 5, 2015.  The disappearance of Mike Brown will be solved.  A very unfortunate mix up.  If it wasn't for Carolyn watching an episode of, 'Top 100 Crazy Criminals,'  Mike Brown Ex-Lakers Coach, and Mike Brown, Serial Exhibitionist will never be discovered. 

From the Prison Warden, "Sorry about that.  Guess we mixed up the files.  Honest mistake.  Lots of Mike Browns in the system.  Hard to keep track.  We're real sorry."  He laughs,  "And, trust me, it had nothing to do with me being such a loyal Lakers fan either.  Really."

winnipegfreepress.com/sports/basketball/report-la-lakers-fire-coach-mike-brown-after-1-4-start-178144741.html?story=LA Lakers
readabilityformulas.com  -  Google/Images  -  Mike Brown Wiki 

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