"Belair, here. Brentwood Belair."
"Woody? It's me."
"Well," I say. "As I live and breathe, Palermo Sicily. How's the Fresh Air Taxi Company doing?
"Gets better every day. But, okay, you won't believe who I picked up this morning."
"Okay." I say.
"Okay, okay. This is big. It's a sports story, Woody, that's really big."
"The bounty on NFL players? Last week's news, Pauley."
"Look, I know what's in the paper. This is a whole lot better."
"Talk to me. I'm listening. Go."
"Okay, okay," he says. "I pick up this guy at LAX. He's real nervous, looking around, like we're being fallowed, nervous and all.
"Tells me to drive to the far eastern end to the private planes. We pick up these other two guys. All three in the back. And they're real gabby."
"Roger, thanks for coming." says the one in the middle. He shakes hands with the other. "Tom, always a pleasure. First let me apologize for doing it this way."
"Hey, Steve," says Tom. "Must be important. You called, so I'm here."
"You know," says Roger. "I think I've been followed lately. It's those guys from TMZ. All about the Bounty. Just won't go away. They come up to me in the street. Asking me questions, cameras in my face."
"That's the reason for all this secrecy." says Steve. "We can't be too careful."
"Not a problem, Steve," says Tom. "Coming to California is like a vacation, but I got to get back."
"The Boss told me to get this done," says Steve. "I have my office scanned for bugs every day. It's important nobody know anything about this."
"Okay" says Roger.
"The Boss wants it all this Bounty crap to go away. Our football films are the key to this. Both of you have an interest in keeping the NFL the most respected league in all of sports. So..."
"Your weekly football films are fantastic," says Roger. "You make money, we make money. We get our cut, so I'll do what The Boss wants, whatever it is."
"It was my team and my coaches, that got nailed," says Tom. "So, whatever you guys want."
"So, here's what we've decided on," says Steve. "And this all stays right here."
All three look at me. And I'm looking at them in the mirror.
"I say, 'No problem guys, I'm all about driving.' And I close the sliding window. But, I can still hear everything. They had no idea."
"You hope," I say
"Got that right," says Pauley. "Okay, so Steve says,
"We all knew these hit lists existed. But now players are starting to complain that they're not getting paid enough. So I spoke with The Boss and we came up with the solution."
So Steve, the movie guy reaches into his briefcase and takes out two folders, one for Tom and one for Roger. "Your speeches. The NFL won't be looked at anymore like a group of thugs getting paid to cripple the opposition."
Tom and Roger nod.
"Anything," says Roger. "To get this off the front pages. We got enough problems what with concussion lawsuits, major networks starting to schedule Rugby League games during week ends. Parents telling their kids that Football is too rough, telling them to play soccer, can you believe?"
"So Roger," says Steve. "You're going to come down real hard on these two coaches. Years of suspension, whatever you like. We're tough on Bounties."
"I make a ton of money on our 'NFL Gorillas of the Grid Iron, films," says Steve. "Most vicious hits and tackles.
"And since The Boss makes his cut from everything NFL, we have to keep the Gorillas of the Gridiron series stronger every year.
"So, we're going to tell the players that we will pay them only if they star in one of the films. That will give them the same incentive to play like thugs without giving them a hit list. You both are off the hook. We will pay them instead. The Boss takes an extra percentage off the gross."
"An extra percent?" says Roger.
"I guess, if it gets us off the front page." says Tom. "I won't have to feel like everyone's watching me any more. I'll do it."
"Okay, so I do nothing, but read my script, and come down hard on these guys?" Roger looks at his script.
"Keep saying you knew nothing about any of this. We'll notify the players."
"Then Steve raps on the window, and I take them back to their planes. And that was it. Twenty minutes tops."
"So, " I say. " Who is this boss they were talking about? You think the Mob...Organized Crime... takes a cut from the profits of the NFL?"
"Beats me." says Palermo.
"Pauley, how do you feel about this? They know who you are, your taxi license is in your cab. If word gets out, like you telling me?"
"Woody, I had to tell somebody, and you're in sports. Geez, guess I wasn't thinking. This has to be off the record."
"This is the scoop of the decade. Blows the roof off the NFL, this Bounty thing. They want players to get injured. Better for film sales.
"And who is The Boss?" I asked
"I don't really want to know."
And that's the story. Pauley gets the League Commissioner, a Team Owner, and the guy who makes all those Football films in the backseat of his cab?
But since Pauley's a friend, and the magnitude of what those three were discussing, best I keep this a secret, for Pauley sake.
And for my own.
-----------------------------------
Help comes from:
Google/Images, Wikipedia,
http://www.usatoday.com/sports/football
http://online.wsj.com/article/AP7271439055714224ba23a7c7e175504f.html
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists
http://thesaurus.com/
http://www.readabilityformulas.com
