Two young ladies sit in the coffee shop at the Valley Greens Golf Course, pitch and putt, nine hole, par 27.Two men wait on the first tee. They stand alone. One looks at his watch.
"How about those two? Expensive clubs, a lot of show." Her finger winds her blond hair. "They're looking for a foursome. Perfect."
"If they were that good, they'd probably be playing at Riviera." They bump fists, diamonds on their fingers. One checks her red lipstick, the other sticks her gum under that table.
With a large smile, "Hello, are you two looking for a foursome. We'd be more than happy to go alone with you. What do you think?" Again the smile.
The men look at each other, then at the young ladies. "We're waiting for some friends, but..." Again he looks at his watch. "They're so late." He pulls out his iPhone, "I'll call."
"I'm Peoria, and this is Aurora. We're from Illinois. I saw that the Masters is this weekend. That gave us the idea to come out and play golf today. We took some lessons, so we won't hold you back too much."
The man on the iPhone waves his hand. "It's okay. They said go ahead without them." He looks at the young ladies. "I'm Hawthorne, this is Downey. We're L.A. locals."
First tee, 105 yards straight par 3.
Peoria looks at her bag, "What should I use, this Five Wood? Or this one? Eight Iron?"
"I think the Eight Iron," says Downey. He looks at Hawthorne, and raises his eyebrows. "We'll stand back so you'll have room."
She whiffs. "Wait." She giggles. Again, she swings. The ball bounces about 50 yards out into the fairway.
"I'll use this one, a Five Iron." says Aurora. "Maybe it will go farther?" She swings. The ball flies off the tee, but slices off to the right, into a patch of trees. "Oh, boy," she says.
Downey and Hawthorne tee off. Both balls land just off the green.
"Wow, you guys are good," says Peoria. "You guys gotta teach us." The girls giggle.
"Maybe if I get good enough," says Aurora. "I could win one of those Green Jackets."
Hawthorne looks at Downey, They both smile. "Well, Aurora, even if you got good enough to play at Augusta, it's only a man kinda thing. Women don't get Green Jackets."
"Well, that's not fair," says Peoria. "Don't they let women play there?"
"It's an all men golf club. You can play, but you can't be a member."
"There is a problem this year," says Downey. "Seems they let the CEO's of their corporate sponsors wear the Green Jackets. CEO of IBM is a lady, so we'll see how it goes."
They find their balls and hit up onto the green.
"Doesn't seem American to only let men become members, even though it's a private club. Women have to fight for everything,"
"The members vote on it, and that's what they want."
Downey looks at Peoria's rings. "Let me ask you this. We usually play for a few bucks per hole, just to make it interesting. $5 per hole. Winner take all."
Peoria looks at Aurora. "Come on. We can't beat you two. Are you trying to hustle us?" She giggles, and clutches Downey's arm.
"If you don't want to, that's okay." says Downey.
"You know," says Aurora. "$5 isn't that much. Might make us concentrate better. What do you say, Peoria?"
"Why not, unless it gets out of hand, you know." says Peoria.
They all shake hands. Deal. $5
.
Walking along the fairway. "You know, if that men only policy at the Masters effects their TV ratings, they might think about changing their unfair rules."
"That's just the way it is, I guess," says Hawthorne.
"I think if they give Green Jackets to male CEO's, then they should grow up and give them to a lady CEO's as well. Are these guys still living in the dark ages?"
Holes three, four and five go the same. The ladies shank their shots, hit thin. They whiff way too much.
Sixth Tee, dog leg left with a sand trap.
"Ladies, a proposition." says Downey. "Since you each now owe us $25, let's go for double or nothing. That way you can quickly catch up. Maybe on this hole. What do you say?"
Aurora blinks at Peoria. "Like I said before, I think we're getting hustled. Let's get this straight. We'll play this hole, it's got a trap...Yikes...$25 each? Why not. We could get real lucky."
Deal. $25. Double or nothing. They all shake hands.
The sixth hole isn't much better. Their sand trap play is dreadful. The ladies double bogey. Downey a par; Hawthorne a bogey.
At the seventh hole, Aurora elbows Peoria. "Okay guys," says Aurora. "Let's do this. $200 bucks. Only way we'll ever get our money back. We each owe you $50. I'm Feeling real lucky. And," she smiles, "I think you two are starting to get tired."
"Deal," says Downey
"Deal," says Hawthorne. Instantly.
They tied on the seventh, but on the eighth, it happens. 303 yard par 3. Five Wood, Aurora is on the green, and Peoria, using a Three Iron, rolls her tee shot ten feet from the green. The guys land in high rough. We're they tiring?
"You know," says Aurora. "If Tiger Woods said something about this anti-female mind-set at Augusta, maybe something would be done. Who watches golf if Tiger isn't playing."
"You girls sure got better in a hurry," says Downey. "Those tee shots were really good."
"I just swung her hard. On the green, can you believe." She points to some trees. "I think your ball is way over there, somewhere."
The seventh hole. Aurora, par 3, Peoria a bogie four, while Downey takes a Double bogie, Hawthorne loses his ball and takes a triple bogie six. Sweat forms on Hawthorne's forehead.
"Playing golf is sure more fun than watching it on TV, you know.
Hawthorne makes a low sound through his teeth.
"If the Masters doesn't get women involved this weekend," says Aurora. "I think I'll play golf rather than watch it. Augusta National isn't really a private club. It holds one of the biggest tournaments in the country, sells tickets to the public, wants millions to watch on TV. It's a money making operation. C'mon now."
"Okay, guys," says Peoria. "This is the last hole. Guys against the gals. Let's call us all even. We each put $500 in the pot. One last hole. Winner takes the pot.
Ninth Hole. 102 yrd., par 3.
"That's $2 grand?" says Downey. "$500 a piece?" The men blink, but slowly nod. Game on.
Aurora's easy Nine Iron shot puts her ball 2 1/2 feet from the hole. Downey's Seven Iron lands at the top of the green. Peoria's Nine Iron is on the green, and rolls and rolls and rolls, within five feet of the hole. Hawthorne lines up his tee shot, works his feet, waves his Eight Iron, again, and again, then swings. The ball veers right, through the trees, over the Sixth Hole's fairway through more trees and lands on the Fourth Hole's green.
Downey putts. The ball runs past the hole. A six footer coming back. Peoria putts, comes close, about two feet. Aurora steadies herself, and holes out, a birdie, winning the hole and the $2,000.
They wait for Hawthorne to find his ball and get back in the fairway. Determined to finish, he takes a quadruple bogey seven, four over par.
They sit at a picnic table outside the coffee shop. Downey pushes a check for $1000 toward Peoria.
He stands and says, "You ladies are good. Way too good."
Hawthorne stands and glares.
Then Downey begins to laugh, looks at the young ladies, then at Hawthorne. Hawthorne shakes his head, and he too laughs. Without looking back Downey waves to the girls. They laugh all the way to the parking lot.
Peoria holds up the check in the air and smiles. "Now, let's go buy ourselves Green Jackets."
........................................
Help comes from:
Bloomberg.com/news/2012-03-28/golf-s-masters-facing-male-only-dilemma-with-new-ibm-ceo.html
Washingtonpost.com/blogs/early-lead/post/the-masters
Huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/29/augusta-national
thesaurus.com/, ReadabilityFormulas.com, Wikipedia/Masters
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