I rub my forehead. But, I have an idea. I know what I want to do. I thumb my iPhone. It's ringing. He answers. "Yeah?"
"Key, Key West. Waz up. How are things in Southern Florida?"
"Not bad. Who's asking?"
"Come on, it's me, Brentwood. Brentwood Belair. I'm calling the special number you gave me."
Key West uses a system of cell phones for privacy. It gratifies his paranoia. With a private phone number code. He's real stingy who gets it.
"Woody? Belair? That you?"
"'Course, who'd you think?"
"You recording this?"
"Key, it's me. Come on. Called cause I need help. I need your expert opinion."
"Belair needs my help?" He quickly laughs. "This should be good. What's it going to cost me this time?"
"Key, you made out good on that, come on. This is different. I gotta come up with some quick cash, and who better to call..."
"You want me to book some bets? I thought that's what you did. Take other people's wagers. And live on the vig. Times must be tough out there in LA? All your fish swim off to Vegas?"
"Fish? Loyal patrons, I'll have you know. Look," I say. "I need some quick cash, so I was just thinking. It's baseball season right now. What's your best odds percentage. I promise not to use it against you?"
"Hey, Woody, come on. You're my friend and all, but that's like insider information. Didn't they throw Martha in jail for something like that?"
"Well, she served time actually for trying to cover it up, but that's a whole different... Okay, here's what I got. I'll give you a 89% winning factor, for your best. How's that?"
"So...89%...okay," says Key. "I got a way to bet baseball, but it's only 76%, over the last three years. Major League Baseball, right?"
"Problem for me is this," I say. "It doesn't come by every day, so I have to bet quite a bit to make it worthwhile when it does."
"Nothing weird, right?"
"I'll tell you, then you tell me. Ready?"
"Okay, go." says Key.
"A home team will win outright on the second game back home after a long road trip of six games or more."
"That's it?"
"Yeah, and that's over a ten year span. I've won big on it. But it only comes around maybe fifteen times or so during a season. But still 89 %, can you believe?"
"You sure. 89%?"
"It's because they're in front of their home crowd again, players can relax. Home cooking, no hotel beds, no close quarters. No place like home. First game back they're still adjusting. It's best when there's a long distance involved. Like the Yankees on a road trip to play the Angels, something like that."
"Make sense. And it's that high a percentage? Wow. Okay Woody. I'll be seeing you."
"Hey, hold on. Come on. I need something. I need cash flow here, Key. Come on. What've you got?"
"Cash Flow? I know you got money stashed."
"That's for emergencies. If I ever have to flee...for some reason...hey, how'd you know?"
"Okay, you want one of my Key Formulas?"
"I'm writing this down. Go."
"WHIP."
"What?"
"WHIP. You take the starting pitchers, and find their WHIP for the last 28 days. WHIP stand for, so you won't forget, the number of Walks, plus the number of Hits, divided by the number of Innings Pitched. For real good pitchers it's less than one. But for most it's somewhere between 1.3 and 1.7."
Silence.
"Hello...With me so far?...Hello."
"Gotcha, Key. WHIP. Now what?"
"Okay, add them together. If it's over 3.0 and the Over and Unders is 7.5 or less, you got 76% for Overs. Simple as that."
"3.0...7.5...76%. Okay, but...there's adding and dividing involved...?"
"It's my best. And like yours...second game back idea...this doesn't come around every day. So bet big. You'll be way ahead of the game. Just don't try to book those bets with me, please."
"Hey, thanks Key. 76%? You sure?"
"Am I sure? Good bye, Woody.
"Wait." I say.
"You think you got troubles. I got guys who won't pay up on the Pacquiao Bradley fight. They say that Pacquiao won the thing, so they're not going to pay."
"Don't you charge a vig? Get your money up front?"
"Sure...but since I give them credit...You know, over the phone..."
"Credit?" I laugh. "What's the first rule of bookie-ism. Key, come on. Repeat after me: No Credit. Never never, ever, ever give anybody..."
"I got it, Woody. I got it."
"You need a Muscle Beach type to start visiting your..."
"I got it, Woody. I got it. I should be terrorizing these guy? Man up. Start breaking knee caps."
"I've found a number 12 ball peen hammer's my encouragement of choice..." I laugh again.
"Good Bye, Woody,"
"Wait? Key? I'm Kidding."
Click.
...........................
Help comes from:
Google Images, readabilityformulas.com,
covers.com/sports/mlb,
baseballpress.com/lineup_team.php?team
predictem.com/mlb
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