I sit at my usual booth back by the kitchen, relaxing, it's Friday, my day off, surfing the web for ideas for my next Blog Post. And then...."What the Hell?" I say. Helena sits next to me, an eye on everyone, on her rounds filling everyone's coffee. She's good with customers. That blond hair, those legs, plus she owns the place, the Montana Galley.
I find it. It's perfect for my Blog Post. I turn my iPad toward Helena, and show her the headlines. '50 Cent Accepts Offer To Fight Floyd Mayweather.' Must be true, it's on the internet, right?
And as I look up, I say it again, "What the Hell?" In the next booth. I whisper, "I know that man. This is crazy."
"What?" She looks over. "Yeah. It's Jimmy Chintz, big time Celebrity Agent. He's a regular."
I check the internet. "Here...yes...Mayweather is one of his clients."
"Do you think I should open a bar in here? I got a liquor license."
"What? Sure," I say, not listening. I should be asking Jimmy about this fight with 50 Cent. Perfect Blog material. That's when it happened. (This just gets better.)
Floyd Mayweather walks into the front door. I'm not kidding. Through the front door. Jimmy waves and Mayweather walks back and slides into his booth.
Helena moves quickly, is over there pouring them coffee, then comes back.
"But Floyd," says Jimmy, "he's got 50 pounds on you, he could..."
"Whaaaat?" says Mayweather. "Dude, 50 is a RAPPER, not a BOXER. I was raised up from a child boxing, come on."
"But," says Jimmy, "you're not thinking. It's a stunt. Floyd, it's only $5 million."
"And 'til this day I never lost to other trained BOXERS. What makes you think a RAPPER stands a chance against an undefeated BOXER? What else am I doing on Dec.14? Nothin.'"
"We made $20 million against Pacquiao. What's $5 million. It's like that celebrity fighting crap. D-Listers do that, not you."
Mayweather eyes open wide. "What are you saying, Jimmy." His voice is loud. "50 Cent can take me in the ring?" He looks around the restaurant. He pounds his knuckles into his palm.
"Floyd, calm down. I know about the feud between you two, but just walk away."
Floyd smiles. He has white teeth. "You've been reading my tweets? I been tellin' how he's going down."
"Yeah, I saw," says Jimmy. "This feud. We'll work it out. But not for $5 million."
"Feud?" I ask Helena. I start typing on the iPad, but she elbows me.
"You're not up on this, I guess?" she says. "Okay, this feud appears to be over a Boxing Venture the pair cooked up called The Money Team Promotions. That was before Floyd checked himself into prison. Then 50 Cent changes his mind. He claims prison had 'Changed' Mayweather.' 50 Cent then announces he's creating a new promotion company with Manny Pacquiao. Manny and Mayweather are kinda at odds."
I read off the iPad. "It's a couple of eccentric billionaire Alki David and Celebrity Boxing Owner Damon Feldman have offered these two $5 million each to square off in a three round boxing match. David says the match will air live on Filmon.com and Battlecam.com, two of his websites."
Floyd," says Jimmy. "This Feldman is the same guy who wanted Drake and Chris Brown to fight after a bar brawl. $5 million each. They were both fighting over who loved Rihanna more."
Mayweather pounds his fist on the table again. "So he's been working out. So he's a big guy, but Dude, he ain't no boxer. He needs to be taken down."
"You can't be doing this Floyd." Jimmy waves his hand in the air. "'I'm so rich I can have these two monkeys dance for my entertainment.' That's what they're saying about you."
"About the restaurant," says Helena "Do you think I should have a bar with food or a nice restaurant with alcohol?'
"What...shshsh...I'm listening to..." I nod toward the next booth. Jimmy rubs his head. Floyd's forehead sweats.
"I have competition," says Helena, "from down the block. Wild Cherry Tree Pub."
"Shshshsh," I say. "Sweetheart, I'm trying to listen..."
”He was on Twitter," says Floyd. "He says he needs time to get in shape. 204 lbs." He thumbs his SmartPhone. "Here's what he says. "'I hit that boy he will see a white light.' That's what he said. Dude, I can't let him say that, no way."
"I'll have to find a bouncer," says Helena, "you know, having so much alcohol...bartenders... Woody, you're not listening." She punches my knee.
"Helena...My dear...I'm trying to listen..."
"You're no fun. Look, he'll never do it." She looks up at me. "He's too good a fighter, and above such foolishness. Floyd and 50 Cent, come on. Is it worthy of your Blog?"
I'm amazed. She knew about this. I open my mouth, but there's no sound.
Helena scootches out. "Hey Jimmy, Floyd. You doin' okay?" They nod, and smile. She pours more coffee. She touches Mayweather shoulder, "I've heard about this fight..."
Mayweather leans back in the booth. "50 cent wants to fight." There is a loud laugh. "Thinks he can break his promise. Says I've changed somehow. I've got my head on straight, that's what changed." He apologize for his loud voice. Then gets out, says he's gotta leave, salutes Helena, and moves toward the front door, a bounce in his step.
"Helena, don't make your Vegas reservations just yet," says Jimmy. "We might, I say might, do it for $10 million, but for five, no way." He waves to Floyd as he goes out the door.
Helena waves too, and slides in with me again, shoulder to shoulder. She looks into my eyes, and blinks. She squeezes my arm. "This ain't Sports. It's a boxer and a rapper feuding over some bull shizzle. Dance for three rounds, take the dough, and own an orphanage, little kids who truly need the money. Then move on."
"Neither seems to be the 'move on,' types," I say. "Nor the 'back down' type."
Jimmy stands, stops and turns to our booth.
"These two billionaire guys, offering $5 million? 'Peasants, Fight for my Amusement.' These guys are the one's that are sick."
He bows to Helena and me. "I'm trying to get this craziness out of Floyd's head. Makes him look like a clown. It's a no win for him."
And as he leaves, "No telling what 50 Cent will do."
............................
HELP COMES FROM:
defsounds.com/hip-hop-news/50-cent-accepts-offer-to-fight-floyd-mayweather/
allhiphop.com/2012/04/25/50-cent-to-accompany-floyd-mayweather-to-the-ring-compares-boxing-champ-to-muhammad-ali/
3news.co.nz/50-Cent-offered-5-million-to-fight-Mayweather/tabid/418/articleID/276087/Default.aspx#ixzz2CRsuWZCl
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