Thursday, March 1, 2012

2006 FORD EXPLORER AND THE DAYTONA 500

"Wichita, quick, come out and see my new car."

"New car?"

"Well, it's new to me."

Wichita unplugs her ear phones, jumps off the bed, and dives down the stairs toward the front door.

It sits right out in front of the house.  

"What have you done to this thing?"

"I got the idea about two months ago," says Salina. "I wanted to have it finished by the Daytona 500, but it didn't dry in time."

Topeka stands and stares at it.

"It's a 2006 Ford Explorer," says Salina. "I looked at a Smart Car, and that new Fiat, but they were way too small.  Four doors was perfect, and used, so it was a whole lot cheaper.  You like it?"

"Everybody in town is on here?" said Wichita.  "McCray's Lumber, Jay Hawk Pawn & Jewelry,  Ray's Liquor Warehouse."

Two young men walk across the street.

"Yikes.  Salina. This your Explorer?" says one.

"Sure stands out," says the other.

They walk around the car. 

"I got the idea from NASCAR.  Daytona 500, you know?  Really it was from that girl Topeka, from Alpha Sigma Sigma.  You've seen her car.  Topeka Gives Great Message, $30 an Hour,  plastered all over it."
 
"Zarco 66," says Wichita.  She points to another sticker. "Yacht Club Sports Bar and Grill, and you got 3 Spoons Yogurt over on Massachusetts."

"Lawrence, you want to take a ride." asks Salina.

"Somebody might see me riding in it,"  says Lawrence. 

Why do you say that," says Salina. "I got the thing for free."

"You what?"  He looks at Salina. He blinks, and shakes his head.

 "Wild Thing Paint & Auto Body,"  She waves at the roof,  "I had to give them the top for free, just to get it like this.  Nobody wanted the top anyway." 

"Midwest Billiards," says Wichita. "Big G's Antiques, and you got Abe and Jake's Landing?  How did you get that?"

"Had to put on a bikini, they took pictures in their boats, holding a pole, and well.  It was kind of a trade deal. Still they bought two square feet.  And there still some space."  She points under the front grill.  "I'm thinking $20 flat fee.  It's hard to see here."

"I like it," say the other young man.

"Thank you, Russell," says Salina. "Ten cents a square inch.  That's for the hood, trunk, and the doors, and five cents if they buy more than a square foot. I had to  promise them I'd drive it  1,000 miles a month.  I can't just park it."

"Wave of the future," says Lawrence.  "Making money any way you can.  Everything's got a sponsor now. Salina, you've become another corporate drone."

"Hey, I've been walking everywhere, now I can drive.  Had to make a choice.  Think I sold out?"

"Corporations have taken over, but this.  Salina, I thought you were one of the 99%ers."

"I still am, Lawrence.  Come on.  I have to make over $350,000 per year, and have a net worth of at least $14 million to be a 1%er.  Look, I got this thing for free.  I'm thinking of asking Professor Coffeeville, my Econ.Professor.  Maybe I can get credit for this.  Life experience, maybe?"

"Quinton's Bar and Deli," says Wichita. "Big G's Antiques. And on the hood? Fraternal Order of Eagles. 

"Those guys would do anything to help out a young blond girl," says Salina.  "I wore that halter top. Those guys were really happy to see me. I laid it on thick. Girl's going to school.  Girl working her way through. Girls gotta eat. They loved me."

Lawrence, Russell and Wichita continue to circle the Explorer.

"No different than NASCAR," says Russell.  "All those patches on the jump suits.  They pay big bucks for all that advertising." 

"Got the monthly payments down to $315 per month," says Salina. "But I'm getting $425 from the ads.  So I got some extra money for gas."

"It's corporate contamination," says Lawrence  "It's everywhere. Coors Field, Staples Center, Target Field.  The McDonald's first pitch of the game. They got the FedEx Orange Bowl, Tostitos Fiesta Bowl. The T.D. Ameritrade whatever.  Do I see a Jiffy Lube logo on the City Hall?  How about The State of Kansas brought to you by Campbells Chicken Noodle Soup?"

He folds his arms.  "Is that what you want?"

"Had to do something.  My Chemistry text cost me $75...used.  I just have to bill these people once a month.  I'm thinking Salina, LLC." 

"WNBA, has sponsors on their jerseys." says Wichita.  "I don't mind. WNBA probably wouldn't exist without corporate sponsorship." 

Lawrence puts his hands in the air. "What's next. Tattooed foreheads, ala Iron Mike, with a Tide logo, or WingStop, or Watch the Bachelor on ABC, plastered on your face?"

"You watch the Bachelor?" asks Wichita.

"What? No...well, sometimes, doesn't matter.  Next people will be selling their body space on Craigslist.  Think that's a good idea?"

"When I was researching to do this, believe it or not, an online casino GoldenPalace had their name tattooed to boxers. So it's already been done.  And No, I'm not getting tattooed."

The three continue to stare at the car.

"I have to promise to drive at least 1,000 miles a month.  I can't leave it sitting out here.  So, who wants to take a ride?"

Lawrence walks over to Salina.  He stares at the door, then at the hood.  "How much did you say you're getting from all this?"

"$425 a month."

"My five year plan is to get through school, get a degree, then maybe graduate school.  But...I'm so broke.  Could we maybe do my car...this is an absolute sell out,...but we do what we gotta do...you said that."  He touches the car's hood.  "Could you help me do my car?"

"Lawrence, I'm still a 99%er.  We're still going to the rally, later, right?"

He looks toward the top of a far away tree. "I'm tired of being so broke all the time, I guess."

She wraps her arm around his. "Monday, after class, we'll get started.   We'll have to find something with a lot of space.  Maybe an SUV. or a panel delivery truck?  Then figure out how much..."

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Help comes from:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=lukas/090602&sportCat=wnba
http://www.seriouseats.com/2008/05/wnba
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/john_rolfe/06/03/uniform.ads
Google/Images
Wikipedia/Kansas Cities.
http://www.readabilityformulas.com


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