"I'm going to have to close this place soon," she says. "People have been asking me about Pink Slime, is it in your hamburger? I don't know. What about Mad Cow? Can I catch it from your meat? I don't think so. And what about meat glue?"
"Meat glue?" I say.
"Frozen Steaks come now like plywood. Different kinds of beef glued together, can you believe? All these questions, and now I might have to tell my customers that Coke and Pepsi, the caramel they use causes cancer."
"Causes Cancer."
"If they don't change their recipe, FDA says I'll need to warn everybody, like on cigarettes. What next?"
A man is squeezed into the next booth. He eats two cheeseburger, a plate of French fries, along with two large Cokes. He eats with abandonment. Hungry wolves make less noise.
"And I have to listen to this." She nods toward the man.
As I smile, and touch her hand, I see him come through the front door. It's George Foreman.
"Get ready," I say to Helena. "Look who just arrived."
"Holy Cow." she says.
George waves to the man. Yes, the man with the two cheeseburgers, and slides in beside him.
"Buster, glad you could come." says George.
"Was in town, doing a thing out in Santa Monica. I started already." He shakes his Coke. "Want something?"
George waves for the waitress. "I was just flying through L.A., so I have a chance to talk to you. You'll like this."
Buster leans back, and slurps his Coke. "Yeah, so, George, what's this about?"
I elbow Helena. "That's Buster Douglas. Heavyweight Champ once."
"Buster Douglas?" says Helena.
"Fought Mike Tyson in Japan..."
"Quiet, I'm listening..."
"Well, excuse me for..."
"Shush, "
"You know I'm into a lot of things," says George. "Like grills, cookware and all, but I got something new. Weight loss. That's where it's at."
"Yeah?" says Buster. He bites into the second Cheeseburger, and chews.
"Can't he close his mouth when he chews?" says Helena.
"I read this book, and it changed the way I think about food. So I'm getting fat people on this diet, going on TV, and Buster, I want you to be on my team."
"Yeah?" says Buster. He wipes his mouth, and blinks at George. "Okay?"
"Name of the book is, 'Wheat Belly.' It's for your Abs. Your Stomach. Like they say, 'You can read about it, or you can make it happen.' That's what people want. A flat stomach. I'm going to make it happen."
"Wheat?" I say. "What? Eat more or less?"
"Shush." She punches my shoulder. "I'm trying to find out."
Waitress comes over. "Ice water," says George. He folds his hands. "Let me explain. You weigh what? 300? Maybe 325. Well, you'll love this. It's eating too much wheat that causing people to get overweight. And being over weight, really overweight, causes all kinds of bad stuff."
"I'm not sick. Maybe I'm fat, but I feel okay."
"Buster, you gotta skinny up. It's better. You come with me on this. George Forman's Skinny Minny Program."
"Skinny Minny?" says Buster.
"Catchy, huh." says George. "So cut out wheat, you cut out stuff that gets your belly fat. It's automatic, that what's so great."
"What?" says Helena. "Cut out wheat? What is he saying?"
"That's right Ma'am. Hello." He reaches over. They shake, "The George Forman Minny Skinny Program. I want to get people to lose weight."
"But wheat, my Gawd," says Helena. "That means breakfast cereals, and French Toast. Anything from the bakery. It's used as a stabilizer in all kinds of sauces. No pies."
"No spaghetti either," I say. "Lasagna, Fettuccine, Mac and Cheese. Not to mention Cheeseburgers."
Helena's hands turn to fists.
"It's the gluten in wheat that's a problem. Too much of this stuff causes rashes, stomach problems, arthritis, osteoporosis, acne, and, " He looks at Helena. "How do I say this? Man Boobs."
"Man Boobs," I say. "That sound creepy."
He turns back. "Buster, you don't want that, do you? Man Boobs?"
Buster frowns.
"My diet has been important to me my whole life." says George. He sips his water and sits back. "What do you think. I'll set you up. This will go for 8 weeks. We'll see how you do. Then it's TV. We'll pay you good, real good. You'll be on TV nationwide."
"Yeah?" says Buster. He wiggles a French fry between his fingers. "How much I gotta lose?"
"I'm on the diet. I lost 20 pounds first month, so it works."
He slaps the table and slides out of the booth. "Buster, it's win-win. People will see you Nationwide again, and you'll lose weight. How can you lose? Think about it. I got a plane to catch, so, I'll be in touch." He waves to Buster.
As he passes our booth, he stops, and with a small bow. "Glad we met. When I find something that can help people, I get excited. We gotta do something about people's weight."
He says have a nice day, and is out the door.
We are left listening to Buster and his Cheeseburger.
"My menu is cut in half. What am I going to do? Guess I'll have to read this book, so I can answer questions I'm going to get. Belly..."
"Wheat Belly," I say.
Tears well up.
I put my arm around her shoulders. "Everything's going to be all right, sweety. Who's going to stop eating your chicken and waffles?"
"Don't you have a column to write or something."
"Did it. And the Track's closed today...but I'm going. Come by later, have a drink."
"Make mine a triple." And off she went, with a wave, into the kitchen.
..........................................
Help comes from:
Google/Images, WikiPedia/George Forman
http://biggeorge.com/main/
Wheat Belly by Dr.William Davis,
ProteinPower/Dr. Eades/blog/
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