Thursday, March 22, 2012

SLOTS AT SANTA ANITA

While I sit at my computer, doping entries in the Daily Racing Form, I have a brainstorm.  It's certainly unexpected.  So good, our Governor should be made aware.  A dynamic way to make the State money. I'm excited about  this.  

A few minutes, write a letter, and have it lost in some interns cubicle?  No way.  Better to take the  direct approach.  Face to Face, but ten hours to drive to Sacramento?  Gas is expensive.

No other solution.  I log on. Getting the governor's phone number could be tricky.  I find a website, www.WikiPoliticsGovBrownPersonalPhone.com.  I thumb my SmartPhone.  It rings.

"Huh...ah...Yes, Hello?"

"Hello?  Like to talk with the Governor, Jerry Brown.  I got this great idea.  He should hear this."

"This is the Governor."

"Governor Brown?" I say.  "No way.  I got through?  Wholly smoke.  This is awesome."

"Haven't got all day, sir. And how did you get my cell, anyway? "  His voice rises.  "Modesto, we gotta get a new cell number, one of those burner phones.  Got everybody calling me."

"Only take a minute, Governor.  I can call you Governor, right?"

"What?  I haven't got time for this. But, please call me Your Honorable Governor.   I was doing my campaign fund raising.  I have to drum up $20 grand a day, every day,  so I can buy all those TV spots.   Hey, being Governor's not as easy as it looks, you know."

"So, here it is," I say.  "Add slot machines to all the state's horse racing venues, like they did back East.  West Virginia Racing survived by the addition of slots."

"I'm speaking with?   You did vote for me last election, right?"

"This is Belair, Brentwood Belair.  Sports writer.  And I voted..."

"Hey, I know you," he says.  "I've read your stuff.  Boy, you were sure out in left field.  49ers winning the Super Bowl?  It was close against the Giants, but having Terrell Owens catching the final pass?  Where'd you come up with that?"

"Okay, I can't be spot on every time."

"Okay, so about Horse Racing.  We know all about it, but we can't.  Racinos.  Granted, they make a lot of money back East.   Tracks going into bankruptcy, install slots, and they recover in less than a year."

"That's right." I say,  "Same track, slots bring in $100 million annually, horses  net maybe $5 million.  Quite a difference.  I've checked it out.   Look at all that extra money for education, like your father with his  Junior College System."

"Seems the perfect solution," says the Governor.  "But perfect doesn't always follow reality. It's like trickle-down economics. Great in theory, poor in execution."

"I hear you, your Honorable..."

"We realize that our Native American citizens would rather have slot customers coming through their doors, rather than going to the track.  They of course let us know their appreciation around election time, with their contributions.   Just part of doing business in 21 Century America.  You can understand that?" 

"But of course, Your Honorable..."

"And,  those horse racing owner types, tend to vote republican.  So, the question is:   Are we rewarding rich race horse owners by propping up a slowly dying sport?"

"Well, you could say..."

"Okay, good," he says. "So, here's how it works.  Adding slots to the race tracks like Santa Anita, Del Mar, Hollywood Park, would certainly bring additional money to the horse racing community.  This allows the smaller tracks to increase their purses, thereby drawing better horses.  Larger tracks say, hey, we're not looking for that kind of competition."

"Makes sense, but..." I say.

"Now, we have a Pact with the Indian Nations here in California, all 61 of them.  To control the explosion of slots on Reservation, we have limits.  Our deal with them, no slots at race tracks, and they  don't have to release information on their slot machine payback percentages.  That's the trade off."

"Makes sense, but..." I say.

"So, like I was saying before, I was working my contributor list.  It never ends.  So when I get a few bucks coming in from my loyal friends in Las Vegas, I like to make them happy.  Hold down the total number of slots in California, and no table games anywhere, except maybe poker.  They're good with that."

"Makes sense, but..."

"Now if you will, good Idea, but we've studied  that revenue stream.  Thanks,  Mr. Belair for your civic concern.  If in the future you have any other ideas, please don't hesitate to put it in writing, and mail it to me here in Sacramento. We'll  get you a full report."

"Well, your Honorable..." I say.

"Thanks, Mr. Belair."   He shouts, "Modesto, you got that new cell? I can't be taking calls from every..." and the phone goes dead.

Hey, the Governor reads my column.  How cool is that?  Okay, lunch time. I have to tell somebody.
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