Sunday, January 22, 2012

TERRELL OWENS and the SUPER BOWL

"Welcome back," says Duluth. "This is 2012 Super Bowl XLVI. I'm Duluth St Paul, along with All-Pro Tackle Dayton Toledo, with Madison Fond du Lac down on the side lines."

"Two minute warning. What a game. What a game.  It's 31 to 27 Patriots."

"That's right, Duluth, 27 unanswered points by the 49ers." 

"Well, Duluth," says Dayton. "We're down to the last 2 minutes."

"With Alex Smith out, taken off on a stretcher, hit low, a knee put him out.  It's Kaepernick, Colin Kaepernick, now at quarterback, rookie out of Nevada-Reno.  It'll be 3rd down and 12 for the 49ers, on their own 33. Field goal's not going to do it.

"Okay, here we go.  Kaepernick all alone in the back field, he's got it, looks right and passes. Kyle Crabtree...he has it...caught at the 50,  in bounds...a gain of...no...WHAT'S HE DOING? He's pitched it off to Vernon Davis... a terrific block from Daniel Kilgore...50 yard line... Davis brought down...good tackle by Christian Cox ..in bounds...at the Patriot's 45.  A gain of 22, for the 49ers."

"What a risky play," says Dayton. "A hand off like that.  Anything can go wrong.  But a Super Bowl play."  

"First and ten for the 49ers. Now, neither team has a time out left.  But a field goal is not going to do it, anyway.  They need a score."

"Too many bad challenges by Jim Harbaugh, used up their time outs. Yep, 49ers need to score."

"And look...there goes T.O. again on the side lines, pacing at the far end of the sideline, arms out, begging to be sent into the game.  Holding his head.  He was added to the team, so he could bolster the 49ers offense.  Got a last minute reprieve from his contract with the Allen Texas Wranglers."

"But Harbaugh hasn't used him yet." said Dayton.  "T.O. sure seems ready.  He's always kept himself in shape." 

"OK. First and ten for the 49ers, with the clock ticking 1:30, 29, 28. 
Kaepernick, shotgun, has it, in the pocket, looks left.  He moves left out of the pocket, and is caught...sacked...sacked...HE'S DOWN,  Shaun Ellis coming from the right side, unblocked. 
It's hared to get up after a hit like that.  He has to shake it off. There was nobody open.  Loss of four.  Patriots had everyone covered.  Everyone."

"And there goes Terrell Owens again. Waving at the coach. I can hear him up here."

T.O. yells,  "I'm ready Coach. I gotta play."

"49ers are quickly up to the line, with 1.03 left.  Second down and 14 from the Patriots 49.  Play action, hand off to Gore, pounding up the middle, breaks a tackle, down to the Patriot's 41.  A gain of 8. 

The clock ticks.

"Running the ball," says Dayton. "What are the 49ers thinking?   Field goal's no good.  Maybe the element of surprise?  I don't know.  They got to get something down the field. Time is of the essence, guys."

"Okay, second down and 2 from the the New England 41.  Kaepernick under center, Frank Gore  behind him. Play action.  Roll out...looking,  looking...throws...intercepted...INTERCEPTED.  Anderson, Mark Anderson at the 20.  He's running, slips a tackle, spins...still on his feet, stiff arm, he's sprinting toward the far side line...and is pushed out of bounds."

"No.  NO," says Dayton.  "Fumble."

"There's a fumble. Anderson's fumbles the ball.  49ers have it back. Tavares Gooden fell on it.  49ers have it on the Patriots 40 yard line.  First and ten, 49ers with 58 seconds to go."

"HOLY COW.  What a game.  Time out.  49ers have the ball.  Chance to take a breath."

"Patriots 31,  49ers 27.  39 seconds left.  49ers have it on the Patriot's 40. Time out. Don't go away, we'll be right back.

     'Man in a 1938 LaSalle two door coupe wants to trade it in for a new Ford Fiesta.  Funny
conversation ensues...

"We're back. Duluth St Paul, along with All-Pro Tackle Dayton Toledo, with Madison Fond du Lac reporting from down on the side lines.

"Madison, what's the feeling down there on the field?" 

"Duluth, it's all adrenalin.  The 49er bench went crazy when they recovered the ball.  But Terrell Owens, he's been screaming, wants to be sent in."

We see her mic in his face.  "I didn't come this far, to be left out. Coach. Come on!"

"Thanks Madison. They might need him.  49ers have no time outs. They need some kind of Hail Mary."

"Yep," said Dayton. "T.O.'s had a rather checkered NFL career, and to be left out...NO...there he goes...Look, Harbaugh is sending him in." 

T.O. runs out on the field. 

"Okay, 39 seconds on the clock. 49ers, first and ten on the Patriot's 40 yard line. Shotgun. . Kaepernick is all alone in the backfield.

"He's got it. He's looking toward the end zone, and throws...Joe Hastings is out there... he's got a step on Mayo,...and he's got it...on the ten...no, NO...its in the air, off his finger tips......intercepted...it's intercepted...Jerod Mayo.  INTERCEPTED.on the 10.yard line ..and he's coming back, 15,  20,  he's got blocking, 30...35...40, and out of bounds, out of bounds on the 49ers  48 yard line.  This isn't happening."

"What a play.  He took it right out of Hastings' hands.  Patriots have the ball with only 22 seconds left. The New England bench has erupted.  22 seconds they'll be Super Bowl Champions."

Brady trots out on the field.

"All he has to do is kneel down and the games over, up by 4 points."

"Without a huddle, Brady is over the ball. He's got it, ...and...he goes over right guard.  What's he doing? He's through the line, still running, he's hit...no...oh, NO...the ball...it's loose...bouncing...and it's kicked...49ers...49ers recover...The 49ers have it...49ers...49er's recover.  Ian Williams, defensive tackle fell on it.  49ers have it."

"I'm going to have a heart attack," says Dayton. "Again, it's 49er ball on the Patriots 42 yard line."  

"This is incredible.  All they needed to do was hold onto the ball for 22 seconds."

"Time out.  13 seconds left.  49ers'll have it first and ten on New England's 42 yard line.  We'll be right back."

     'A man in a lab coat watches pictures from a camera on the Mars Explorer, and to his surprise, sees a Bud Lite can.  A funny commercial ensues...

"We're back. I'm Duluth St Paul, along with All-Pro Tackle Dayton Toledo, with Madison Fond du Lac down on the side line.  This could be the last play of the game."

Kaepernick runs onto the field.

"First and ten...or should I say goal to go...the 49ers have the ball on the New England 42 yard line, with 8 seconds left on the clock.

"They're set, with Terrell Owens lining up far to the left.  Kaepernick's got it, looking long...and he throws.  It's the Hail Marry...they're in the end zone...but it's way under thrown...no way it'll...but it's O.T., crossing behind, stumbles, he fell down...but...WAIT...O.T.'s got it...Right to T.O.  He's got it...HE'S GOT IT....on the five.  He's going in...T.O. T.O....touchdown 49ers  Terrell Owens...Touch down 49ers"

"I didn't see what I just seen.  THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE." says Dayton.

"It's over.  49ers WIN. Terrell Owens caught the ball. He falls down, so he's in position to catch
the way under thrown pass.  What a play.  What a way to win the game."

It's over.  49ers win  33-31.  49ers are Super Bowl Champions."

Fireworks.  Canons explode.  Confetti everywhere.  We see T.O. dance in the end zone. Players jump on him, bump his chest, run in circles. Head Coach Harbaugh all smiles in the crowd.    

"Madison? MADISON?  Can you get anywhere near Terrell Owens?"

We see Madison chase across the field toward O.T.  She wiggles through the team, and grabs him by his shoulder pads

"Terrell, you did it."

"Madison. The TV lady!   I told you.  I told everybody.  You send me in and I'll win the game.
I'm the ultimate football player. I showed everybody.  Quarterback's a rookie, so I knew he'd be real tired by now, wouldn't have the arm to get the ball into the end zone, so I held back. Had it figured.

"Tried to tell the coach, get me into the game.  I was screaming at him.  Isn't this great?  This is great.

"Homies say I'm all drama. Well, what now.  I'm going to look pretty showing off my new ring.  38 years old, so what.  My knee is perfect, you saw me run.

"Nobody can stop T.O. Hey, I've always been a humble guy, but who won the game?  ME.  O.T." 

We see a woman run onto the field.

"Terrell honey.  It's me."

"My ex-wife?" says Terrell.

Another lady pulls at his arm  "Terrell, come with me. You be owing me..."

"But, wait, what are you two doing out here?"

Then a little boy.  "Daddy."

Then another,  "Daddy."

And another,  "Daddy."

"Look Terrell, this is a summons. It's about the child support."

T.O. yells toward the sky, "“I don’t have no friends.  I don’t want no friends. Everybody stay away from me.”

"Terrell, honey..Daddy...Daddy...Daddy

"I gotta get out of here.  Catch a cab.  I'm so broke.  Madison, you got maybe $100 for cab fare?"

"Terrell, honey....Daddy....Daddy...Daddy

"I'm so broke....anything?  $50, maybe?  Again, I'm in hell."

We see T.O. run toward the stands, knock people down, his face contorted, helter skelter.

"Where he's going?" says Duluth.

"He's paying like half a million dollars a year in child support," says Madison. "I'd probably be running too."

"Well, that's T.O." says Dayton Toledo .

"Gotta love it, " says Madison Fond du Lac.

"T.O.?  Who'd a thunk?" says Duluth St Paul. "Until next year, 49ers and Terrell Owens win Super Bowl LXVI,  33-31.


Brentwood Belair
A Parallel Sports Universe

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