WAS LOU THE LUCKIEST MAN ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH?

"Who'd a thunk? Making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Knife just slipped."

"Three stitches, only a scratch, my friend."

"Easy for you to say. It really hurts, Doc."

A young man yells from another room.

"And while you're here, let me give you a quick physical. Check you out."

I stand up. There is a breeze, so I hold the gown in back.

"Okay," he says."  His hand is cold. "Now, turn your head and cough, please." 

"Cough, cough."

"Again"

"Cough, cough."

"Seems okay," says Dr. Norway.

"Seems?" I say.

"Well, you're not 18 anymore, Mr. Belair.  Things wear out.  Sag.  You know."

"Thanks a lot, Doc. I needed that."

There is a flash of light. We both turn, step back, our hands up.

Believe it or not, Lou Gehrig stands in front of us by the table.  He wears a sloppy Yankee cotton uniform, unbuttoned at the neck.

We do not breathe. 

"Hi guys," says Lou. "Had some time off, my left wing was acting up, and while I was sitting on this cloud, taking a break, I heard these rumors.  Maybe I didn't die of Lou Gehrig's disease, after all?  Brentwood, you're a sports writer, and Oslo, you're a Doctor.  Figured who better.  You must have heard something about this?"

"This is indeed an honor, Mr. Gehrig. Ever since I was a little boy, I wanted to play first base for the LA Dodgers."

"Dodgers, huh?  I heard they said good-bye to Ebbets Field.  Flatbush will never be the same." 

He shakes his head.  "Anyway," he says. "I was thinking. Could I have maybe prevented catching this ALS?  Rumors it was me getting hit by pitches too many times, and playing through the pain?" 

You might be right, Lou," I say.  "It might have been the bean balls. Too many concussions.  They added up.".

"Sure, there were broken bones but I kept batting.  I was nearly unconscious sometimes, I know, but I had this reputation for playing through all the injuries. I was always out there."

"Yep," says Dr. Norway.  "2,130 consecutive games over 14 years -

A nurse sticks her head in.  "Oslo?...Dr. Norway?  We need you out here.  There's a football player
yelling at us. Says he must get back on the field for the second half."

"Be right back," says Dr. Norway..

"I played football too, you know," says Lou.

"You're the symbol of commitment for playing every day, especially through the pain.  And you know that NFL players are eight times more likely to get ALS than normal."

I thumb Google into my iPod and read from a website.  Lou looks down at my cell phone and shakes his head.

"It's repeated head trauma, which produces toxic proteins that migrate to the spinal cord. The result is a disease that mimics ALS.

"The ALS Association in the US says that about 30,000 people have this incurable fatal disease that mostly kills men aged 40 and older by wasting away their muscles."

"That's what happened to me," he says

The doctor is back.  "Young player, furious with me.  I won't sign off so he can get back for the second half.  We need more tests.  Young players want to play, that's all."

"I remember," I say. " Ryan Grant, Packers running back.  He collapsed on his way off the field after getting hit.  Doctors immediately checked him out. A concussion. And when they took him out of the game he said, he should have kept his mouth shut, he'd still be in the game."

The nurse again.  "Doctor?  The boy says he's going to play anyway.  He doesn't care."

"These players need to understand the risks. A poster in the locker room isn't going to cut it."

I say, "Maybe players should see former Raider Steve Smith wasting away from the disease, his muscles shutting down one by one." I look at Dr. Norway.  "Remember Wally Hilgenberg, another player no longer with us."

"Athletes are stubborn," says Dr. Norway. "Young men in general think they're indestructible. They need to see what concussions can lead to.  It's much worse than just dizziness.  It's something worse than even dementia or Alzheimer's."

"Baseball, and football," I say. "What about rugby.  I see it is being televised here in the USA.  They don't wear any helmets at all." 

"Too bad I can no long have my head frozen. I followed the career of Ted Williams, but they didn't have freezing back in 1941.  A lot of things we didn't know about back then.

"At the time I was endorsing Cigarettes.  I remember the ad: 
 
  'Another time, he was knocked out by a ‘bean ball,’ yet next day walloped 3 triples in 5 innings,” the ad read. “Gehrig’s ‘Iron-Man’ record is proof of his splendid physical condition. As Lou says: ‘All the years I’ve been playing, I’ve been careful about my physical condition. Smoke? I smoke and enjoy it. My cigarette is Camel.’ ”

He looked down, and rubbed his hands. "I said I was the luckiest man on the face of the earth.  I was more like the stubbornist man on the face of the earth."

He take a deep breath.

Then he said, "Now that we know about this, we need to let  everybody know.  I have to talk with that young man."

And he is gone.

We are both dumbfounded. We sit motionless on the table. 

"Wow. What a day.," I say.. "Three stitches, I get a free physical, and I meet none other than Lou Gehrig.  Well, thank you, Dr. Norway, for a day I won't soon forget." 

And as I rise to leave, the good Doctor says, "Wait, there's one last test to perform."  He snaps on a rubber glove, smiles, and wiggles his index finger. 

"Wait, Doctor." I say. "Maybe that blond nurse I saw in the waiting room.  Maybe she could.....

"No such luck, Mr. Belair.  Now, bend over. This should only take a minute."

"A minute," I say. Oh boy.


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*Help came from Barry Petchesky: CNN
Chris McGreal: The Guardian
Rob Neyer: (Sweetpot) ESPN
Wikipedia and Google Images  Also see:  NY Post-Medical group PAST (Feb 1, 2012)