HUGE SALARIES AND MOTIVATION

A high school Junior stabs at his cereal with a spoon.

His Dad pours coffee into his Thermos.

"Five minutes, we'll take off." says Dad.

"You know Dad, you wouldn't have to go out of your way...if..."

"...if I bought you a car.  Right?"

"Well, yeah.  I'm old enough, and I've taken Drivers Ed already, so I know how to drive."

"I have no doubt, but it's no bother taking you.  It gives us a chance to talk a little in the morning."

"But," says he Young Man.  "There'll be activities at school over the summer, and next year where if I had my own car."  The Young Man raises his eyebrows.

"I think you're doing all right now with school.  A car would I'm sure be a distraction.  You only have one more year of high school.  Remember, you have a 3.4 GPA so far.  I wouldn't want to jeopardize that."

"You know I've been doing real good in school.  So why don't we get the car now, and I'll guarantee the good grades.  How about that?   I'm smart enough.  It would be a lot simpler for the both of us."

Oh, I see," says Dad.  "You want the car first.  But I want your grades to stay up there."

"But they will."  The Young Man shakes his head.

"You know what this is like?  Those huge signing bonuses in baseball, and when a guy is traded and gets a huge salary.  The unwritten deal, of course, is that the player will continue to perform at that same high level."

"Dad, you got noting to worry about."

"The Angeles will pay Albert Puljols  $24 million a year for the next ten years.  Obviously, they want him to continue to perform as one of the best player in baseball."

"Look, Dad.  I'm not going to quit school.  Come on, I want good grades as much as you do."

"How about some of the other huge salaries, based on past performance.  Look a Mark Teixeria.  Ever since he got what he wanted, all that money playing for the Yankees, he's been no better than a Triple A player."

He pulls out his iPhone, and thumbs in Google.  "Salaries...salaries...here it is.  Teixeria, $22.5 million a year.  Maybe he'll perform, but he's getting older, and what's he batting now?  Let's see.  He's batting 221?  Is that worth $22.5 mil?"

"Those are just a few players..."

"How about A. Rod.  What's happened there.  $32 million a year.  Would you pay that for a .277 batter?  He was supposed to get back to his former self, .320 plus.  But he hasn't."

"It won't be that way with me.  With a car I'll be able to schedule my time better, really."

"What happened to these players.  Once they get what they want, life time security, why bust your balls.  And you see some of these guys play all out the year before they are up for a new contract.
 
"They all want to continue at the top of their game, but something happens.  They seem to relax in a sense.   Once you get that reward, ambition, motivation, that fire in your belly seems to slip away.  I certainly wouldn't want that to happen to you.  Puljols is slowly coming back, but we'll see  Does this make sense?"

"Sort of, but I'm not like that."

"I like pay for performance better.  $20,000 for a home run, $1,000,000 if you make the All Star Team.  That's much better.  I think that would be the fair way, don't you?"

"But I wouldn't let down.  I'd keep going, knowing I had a car.  I might even do better."

"That's easy to say, but you don't know.  Do you think Albert Puljols wants to be batting less than .230"

"It won't be like that, Dad.  I'll do summer school, so I'll have a lighter load as a Senior.  There'll be a lot of extra activities...You'd be driving me...and well...I don't think you want me riding around with...I don't' know...the Zinkster.  His Dad bought him a new BMW."

"The Zinkster, huh?" says Dad.   He screws the top onto his Thermos.  "It's about time.  Ready?"

"So?" says The Young Man.

"You've been saving for a car?  You know you'll need more than just the price."

"Well, I thought you'd take care...you want me to buy it?"

"Well, your mother and I were thinking,...just thinking, that as a graduation present...maybe..."

"Well, until then, that's about a year and a half...I've got about $650."

"Insurance, registration fee, cost of gas, Oh Boy.  $650 won't be any where near enough."

"But Dad..."

"Come on, you'll be late.   We'll be discussing this again, I'm sure.  You're right though.  We should start working on this.  We can't just jump into buying a car."

"But..."

"Aren't report cards coming up in a few weeks.   Maybe to help with the costs, we could look at a reward for each good grade."

"That's all good, but Dad...that's not exactly what I was figuring..."

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Help comes from:

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SPORTS ILLUSTRATED SUED FOR $10 MILLION

A man sits in the newspaper coffee room.  His fingers message his forehead.

"Hey Boss," I say as I walk in.  "You got to get more sleep."  I reach for the coffee pot.  "Or, drink more of this coffee." I hold the pot up to the window.  "I think this is coffee?"

"Leave me alone Belair.  I got problems.  Besides that's decaf."

"Decaf?  Save me, please."   I pour half a cup, and sit across from him.   "Come on.  Can't be that bad.  Ask yourself, what's the worse that can happen?"

"Don't you have a column to write, or something?"

"Did it, Boss.  Basketball player suing Sports Illustrated.  It's a peach."

"We gotta find some way to make some money around here.  Paper's slowly going broke."

He takes a deep breath.

"We're losing money every day.  It's the long term future of the newspaper business.  But, for right now, we gotta problem."  He looks up.  "We could just cut out the sports section.  That might work."

"Try that, and you'll have no sales at all."  I shake my head, " Sports and the crossword puzzle's the only reason people buy the thing.  Most get their news online today.  Right?"

"The Valley Post Picayune has been around since 1909.  I'd like it to last."

"Heck," I say.  "We could turn this paper into tabloid, like TMZ.  You know, but in paper form.  Like the New York Post."

He sits back.  "You want Jerry Springer in print form?"

"Maybe not that far."  I wave my hand.  "This is what my column's all about.  I don't know, but it looks like Sports Illustrated is doing just that."

"Sports Illustrated?"

"It's a fine line, Boss.  Write about the ugly truth behind the scenes, or present complete lies, out right fabrication.  The latest is an appalling story.   It's about Reeves Nelson, guy used to play basketball for UCLA,  but it's also an indictment of UCLA itself.

"Now, Reeves is fighting back.  He says that the story in the magazine made him less acceptable to the pros in the latest NBA draft.  It cost him money.  So, he wants $10 mil."

"But, Sports Illustrated?"  He sits up.  "They're not going to print anything that's not true.  They have investigators, who re-check everything."

"And they have the same problems with revenue we do," I said.  "They've lost ground to ESPN The Magazine."

I move over to the Mr. Coffee, dump the decaf, and fill the pot with water.

"They have to make the story look legit," I say.  "They find a Pulitzer Prize winning author, for credibility, Geoerge Dohrmann, an athlete that has some very major shortcomings, Reeves Nelson.  And a story that's sleazy enough to attract readers.

"Story says he piled another player's clothes on a bed, and urinated on them.  Players say it never happened.  The lawsuit includes declarations from 18 UCLA players and ex-players who say it never happened.

"Maybe the story is true," I say.  "Best player on the team,  Reeves, covered with weird tats, I mean Matt Barns, Kenyon Martin, Chris Anderson Tattoos.   Tats of a gun, an hand grenade, and an open switch blade. Tats that say I'm a thug, and I'm violent. "

Mr. Coffee beeps.  Coffee, real coffee this time, is ready.  I pour a full cup.

"So," I say.  "Coach Howland kicks him off the team.  He goes to Latvia, and plays in the Lithuania Basketball League for two months, then quits.  Shows real stability."

I sit back down.  I know the Boss is listening, he's actually looking up at me. 

"Okay," he says.  "But..."

"Sports illustrated isn't stupid.  They knew there would be a reaction to the story.  If they get sued, so be it.  They will drag out the court case, or pay off Reeves.  They make more money in the long run with all the added free publicity."

"I don't know,"  he says.  "Just to make more sales they wouldn't jeopardize their credibility?  Must be some truth in it."

I swirl my coffee.  "Strange, that story came out just a week before national signing day.  Was it an attempt to  keep the best high school players at home instead of coming out here to sunny California?"

"Okay Belair.  I hear what you're saying.  But what if we get sued.  Sports illustrated has the money."

"Maybe the NBA threw some money Sport Illustrated's way to demean players with excessive tattoos, trying to clean up their thug reputation?"

I sat back in the chair.  "Could East Coast people,  Eastern and Southern Conferences people, be paying in some way for such an article?  Against UCLA?  You never know."

"Is this Reeves ready to play in the NBA?" he asks.

I sip my coffee.  "Not yet.  The article makes Reeves about as unlikable for the NBA as you could for a new player.   Let's see.  Are you a discipline problem?  Check. Are you covered with Psychopathic Tats? Check.  Do you have  problem taking direction?  Check."

"Do you have illegitimate children by different woman?"  he says.

"Hey," I say.  "You know a little bit about the NBA."

He raises his eyebrows.   "So," he says. "To sum up. You want us to become a tabloid.  Print scandal, and sleaze instead of real news?  What if we get sued?  $10 million dollars?  For the record, moving forward, your idea is not the appropriate direction."
 
"Hey, I'm just a hack sports writer.  What do I know from marketing.  That's why you're the boss, Boss.  Just trying to help.  Maybe a bake sale, some sort?  I don't know."

He leans again over the table and holds his head.  "Don't you have a column to write, or something, Belair?"
.............................


Help comes from:

insurancejournal.com/news/west
collegebasketballtalk.nbcsports.com/2012/05/23/reeves
aol.sportingnews.com/ncaa
WikiPedia/Latvia,/Nelson Reeves,/
Google/Images,/  readabilityformulas.com/

WILL ROGER CLEMENS WEASEL OUT OF TROUBLE?

"Coming up, What's going on in Orlando with the Magic?  After Stan Van Gundy gets the axe, will ownership further trash the team, by dealing Dwight Howard?  To the Nets, or the Clippers or to the Lakers.  What about Pau Gasol?  Still a Lakers?

"Will Lebron have another ringless season?   And the Kings, will they kiss the Stanley Cup?   We'll talk about all this.  But first,  Brentood Belair, West Coast Sports Writer, he'll be with us.  We'll hear what's on his mind.  Be right back.  Roswell Hobbs, Sports in the Afternoon. KLUK Radio, AM 1600."

"...Home owners, even if you've re-financed your home within the last two weeks, Vito Corleone Financial, we got your best interest in mind.  Okay, maybe there is a small closing fee, inspection fee, appraisal fee, prep fee, document fee, transfer fee, registration fee.  But come on in.  Guarantee, we'll make you an offer you can't refuse.  Really..."

"We're back. . .And you can find us on Facebook, and Twitter.  Or call in, we'll talk, Roswell Hobbs, KLUK Radio, Sports in the Afternoon.  So, we have Brentwood Belair on the line.  No introduction necessary.  Brentwood, what's up in your world of sports?"

"Thanks Roswell.  But call me Woody."
  
"So, Woody," says Roswell."  What's on your sports mind this afternoon?"
 
"Well," I say.  "My column today in the Valley Post Picayune, 'Will Clemens Weasel Out of Trouble?'"

"Roger Clemens?  I almost forgot about him."

"Everybody's riveted on the Pacers, Thunder, the Heat, and the Stanley Cup.   But there's something else that's very important going on.  It's hidden back on page six."

"Your right.  I haven't been keeping up with his perjury trial."

"Let me refresh everybody," I say.  "Roger Clemens, future HOF pitcher, maybe, is charged with lying to Congress when he testified in 2008 that he never used steroids or HGH.  That's human growth hormone.   Brian McNamee, Clemens' longtime strength coach, says he injected Clemens with steroids in 1998, 2000 and 2001 and with HGH in 2000. He is the only one who'll testify Clemens used this stuff."

"Clemens did say though," says Roswell.  "He took something, but it wasn't illegal."

"But there's more,"  I say.  "There was a pool party, hosted by Jose Canseco, where Roger took some kind of drug.  He denies being there, but the prosecution has a picture of him standing in shallow end of the pool.  He claims he was out golfing at that time.

"Prosecutors also have the Miller Lite can with the used steroid syringe in it.  Bottom of the can had the correct date code for the time of the party.  But alas, no fingerprints."
 
"Comes down to which one the jury believes, McNamee or Clemens.
 
 "So," I say.  "That's the background for my column.  It's in the Valley Post Picayune, this morning.  Check it out."  I laugh.  "Is that too much of a plug for my column?"

"We got links on the website, so we'll get people to read your stuff, Woody."

"Fair enough." I say.   "Okay, here's my take on Clemens.  And your listeners can tell me if I'm wrong about this guy.

"Clemens is a rich person in a high place.  But he's unlikable.  I think his personality will put him behind bars.  Had he come clean, did a bunch of community service, we would have forgiven, and forgotten.  Charley Hustle, same thing.  Tell us the truth.   We know you're sorry you did it.  We'll give you all a second chance."

"Okay, let's take a quick break," says Roswell.  "And we'll be right back to take your calls. Roswell Hobbs, Sports in the Afternoon, KLUK Sports Radio, 1600."

...'I saved $590...I saved $1900, ...I save $13,200 on my car insurance by changing to FrogCo Insurance...yada, yada, yada...'

"We're back.  Roswell Hobbs, KLUK Radio, Sport in the Afternoon.  We're talking to Brentwood Woody Belair, Sports Know-It-All."

"I like that," I say. "And, you know, you're probably right."

"Okay, let's take some calls.  Mulligan, in Malibu.  Your on with Brentwood Belair."

"Of course he used. Of course he lied. Of course he is not going to jail. And the worst,  thee worst, is his arrogant, condescending, hot dogger of a lawyer, Rusty Hardin. Guys like him only take cases for the spotlight.  I know the case is about lying,  but these lawyers are just as despicable as the clients they represent."

"Clemens hired him," I say.  "Maybe they're a pair, both trying to prove something?"

"Okay, here's Naomi, from North Hollywood."

"Thanks for taking me call, gentlemen.  Okay, this SOB Clemens thinks he's above the law.  Who does he think he is?  Remember in the world series, when he threw the bat at Piazza?  Should have been ejected on the spot.  Gutless umpire.  No, can't do that.  He's  Roger Clemens.  He lies, then stares you down, and we're supposed to jump back.  He should do jail time, long jail time, you ask me."

"Well, that's one lady's opinion.  Okay, here's Luke, from Long Beach."

"Here's what I think.  Clemens' biggest failing is this.  He views anyone who is not Roger Clemens as a degenerate.  Everybody's disposable.  He's the only one telling the truth.  Clemens, you're a scumbag.  Time to face the music, pal."
 
"Sounds like people don't like Mr. Clemens very much." says Roswell.

"You think?" I say.

"Veronica, from Venice, You're on with Woody Belair."

"This McNamee character is a rat.  They all had those drugs.  Baseball owners knew it.  Drugs saved baseball, come on guys.  They won the fans back after the strike.  All those home runs, McGwire, Canseco, all of them.  Baseball was a real game.  I say this:  Thank Gawd for drugs."

"I think we all miss the home runs," I say.  "Most people I think liked baseball better when players were under the influence.  Hard to admit."

"Our listeners have some strong opinions. Let's see...Larry from Laguna Beach."

"Guilty, Guilty, Guilty. Clemens and Bonds should have their numbers taken off all their records because they got caught cheating.  Man's a thug.  I feel bad for Hank Aaron the true Home run King."

"Another caller...Okay, here's Dude?  Yes, that's Dude from Downey.  Dude, wha-cha got."

"That pool party.  At Canseco's.  I was there. Bro.,  And it Jammed.  We will, We will, Rock you.  The crack was Dy-no-mite. Canseco was moon walking everywhere.  Let's Part-ay.  Clemens was acting funny, but we all knew he was anything but sober.  The juicer never got turned off.  Mixing everything.  No regular fruit juice neither.  Spiked?  I guess.  And we weren't there to do no swimming, Bro.  No way.  He says he didn't shoot up.  Unbelievable."

"Woody, what do you think about this.  The Dude was there, so he says."

"Can't ask for more than an eye witness.  But I have my doubts."

"It's true," says the Dude.  "They were all there.  And there was this Pony, but it got real good when those Aliens flew in, this beam of green light, it was like incredible, really..."

"Okay, okay, Dude," I say.  "How come I don't get invites to parties like this?"

"You call me, Man.  I'll hook you up."

"I'm sure you will, but what if I get abducted?  I think I'll pass, Dude."

"Okay, Brentwood Belair," says Roswell.  "About out of time. Thanks for dropping by.  We got thirty seconds.  What's your final take on this?"

"Here's my take," I say.  "The owners should be held accountable.  They knew steroids were being used.  Balls were flying out of the park.   Pitchers were striking out fifteen, sixteen a game.  They claimed it was the ball, it was wound too tight.  Owners made big money then.  Look, players will always try to get an edge.  They did it with drugs and they got richer.  Why is this so different from life in general?  The risk of future harm to their body, was secondary.  They were living in the moment.  That's my take, Roswell."

 "Okay." says Roswell.  "Thanks Woody.  Check out his Sports website, StiffLeftJab.com

"Thanks for having me, Roswell."

"We'll be right back with Pete Rose.  That's right.  Brentwood mentioned him.  What's he up to now.  He's living in Vegas, so now's your chance to ask him anything that's bugging you.   Be right back.  Roswell Hobbs, Sports in the Afternoon, KLUK Radio 1600."

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Help comes from:
nypost.com/p/sports/more_sports/jury
newsday.com/sports/baseball/at-clemens-trial
Google/Images, readabilityformulas.com
WikiPedia/Clemens/McNamee/